I don't know how I ended up the way I am. I cry way to much I love my fiance to death yet we constantly fight over little things and I end up crying badly for many reasons. My own mind will not allow me to change for the better no matter how much I try. No jobs are willing to take me nor my fiance and train us for the work. She and I are lucky to live where we are but its not going to last for very long. The way I see it these days she and I are all we have for eachother. Her aunt has bone cancer and lucky enough to live in the house and who knows if she'll get over it and due to it she can't work therefore no money coming in. The world is fucked over no jobs for those willing to work no matter how many applications one puts in. I was severely bullied in school can't even tell if someone is friendly to me or plain ol mean. Too many so called "friends" backstab you behind your back ruining your reputation. My life was fucked over as soon as I was born. Nearly everyone around me is doing so much better in life than me and my fiance its ridiculous. Where is the help when people really need it? Where is this so called god to help? God doesn't exist no god kills innocent people. No god has even gotten me to where I am today. Yes there are "gods" but not what you may think of them. These gods are merely aliens from outer space. The ancients explained what they saw in relation to what they knew. Too much proof exists out there saying they existed and still do. Look into the Annunaki and ancient aliens too much proof. Even the bible itself replace "god" and "angels" to aliens. Then again those who believe in their religion wouldn't even question anything they know or thought they did even when the evidence is in stone.